Let Hope Burn in Your Eyes.

“I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it? To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters


I'm afraid to say it aloud, but I think we may have it this time, but as Nick so nicely put it at work, there is still time for the GOP to steal it.  Although the number of Republicans jumping ship is reassuring, the scariness of a McCain/Palin presidency rattles me to the bone. 

Earlier this week, in a bitch slap to science, Palin questioned the importance of research on fruit flies.  I mean really what has research on fruit flies brought us besides the discovery of DNA and Evolution??  I mean I guess if you believe the world is 6000 years old science is probably a subject far out your realm of understanding, but for those of that prefer reality, giving this women any version of power is unacceptable.

Christopher Hitchens, a man who earned my immediate respect with his appearance of FOX News the day after the death of Falwell  , spells out the The GOP ticket's appalling contempt for knowledge and learning.

And for a complete understanding of how wrong the calculation of Palin and her sorts age of the earth at 6000yrs, Mr. Dawkins explains it best....

How anyone even entertains the possibility of voting for McCain and Palin is beyond me, I can't even speak with my parents about this election because my Mom blindly votes with her church and my Dad blindly votes Republican no matter what, and while I usually entertain their point of view and enjoy debating them, I can't hide my disdain for the opposing view in this election.  I have never been so personally insulted by a choice for high office as I am with Palin and conversely I have never listened to a nominee for president and heard my voice like I do with Obama.  If I thought there was a god, I'd pray to him/her for Obama to win.

So today I went to vet to get more food to force feed my poor little kitty and they informed me they had gotten all the results, and they now believe we are dealing with a case of lupus.  So on top of his epilepsy, Neechee has lupus.  It doesn't deteriorate his quality of life, so that's good, but it will be an ongoing med balance, but after having to toy with the possibility of Neech not being there last week, an on going med balance is more than doable.

They can't definitively test for lupus, but with the major symptom of autoimmune anemia, and the minor symptom of anorexia (not the I'm to fat kind, but the refusal to eat sorts) combined with elevated aa or something in his blood leads them to believe lupus is the culprit.  My vets are like the dr. house of animal treatment.  The anorexia portion is getting quite trying.  He really refuses to eat anything, and I mean anything.  We have tried about 10 different flavors of cat food, baby food, fish, chicken, soy milk, and soy ice cream with cat nip sprinkles.  He refuses them all.  So we force feed him, and consequently our house is covered in cat food splatters from floor to ceiling, no exageration.  He is showing signs of possible interest, so there is hope, and I would hand feed everyday for the rest of my life if I had to, but god I don't want to.  Upside is it does make for some great pics.......

Neechee showing off his shaved spots.....they got is front paw for IV, his belly for ultra sound, and his neck for blood.  The shaved spots are an embarrassment to him, it's quite endearing!  He is also refusing to eat....not so endearing..



And then we end up force feeding, which he hates...can you tell??



He does at least try to clean himself up afterward (Note the sweet kitty face, how can you not love that)


Short of the not eating thing, he is doing remarkably well.  He is social, loving, and may have even had his "my name is earl" moment (There is a theory that after Neechee's brushes with death he has become more social, or rather, less attacky.  This may be due to lack of energy, but possibly he realized that being mean is bad.  Although, I'm not certain cats are capable of epiphonies?).  And the best part is, he is more of a momma's boy than ever and I love having my kitty back!!

So we have confirmation that it is indeed an autoimmune issue.  His immune system has stopped attacking what it should, and started attacking his own body.  This can possibly be on ongoing issue, but usually only for older kitties.  In younger kitties, its usually a problem that can be fixed. 

Unfortunately the treatment is itself pretty risky.  We basically shut off his immune system, and the slowly let it come back on with steroids.  Which means Neechee will be immune systemless for a while, which is risky, especially since he's been so sick, but they gave us antibiotics to help with that.  Then while we are weening him off the steroids we have to take him in for blood tests weekly to make sure that  its working properly. 

As for now, he's not eating on his own yet, and the last two days I've woke up to a mess.  Yesterday he was sick to his stomach, and this morning he decided to use the bathroom (a good thing) in the living room (not so much a good thing).  Our morning consist of struggling to get some food in his belly, his steroid,  his antibiotic, and sub cutaneous fluids.  Lunch is only the food, but dinner is another four part process.  He fights this tooth and nail (literally) but I'm so happy to have him at home his fussyness is cuter than it is fustrating. 

So, the tests on Neech didn't come back yet, which sucked, however, that disappointment was short lived since they then told me that even though he wasn't eating on his own, they were gonna let come home, for a list a bit.  The thought is that he may not be eating because he is stressed about being at the vets.  His demeanor is completely different with us than it is with the vet, and they hope at home he'll decide to eat. 

However, tonight he did not want to eat on his own......and so we had to force feed him.  That sucked!!  He fought it every step of the way, and I'm pretty sure in the end more food ended up, well, everywhere but in his belly, and I mean EVERYWHERE.  Needless to say, it was a small price to pay to be able to look over and see neech sitting there.  

So YAY!!  kitty home for now, and hopefully for good......bald spots and all (which I'm gonna try and get a pic of cos now that he's doing a little better its really funny) its fantastic having my Neech at home with me.....

It was a long long weekend not being able to visit my kitty since Saturday at noon, but I'm hoping when I go to visit him shortly I am hoping for some good news. 

They have it narrowed down to two things they think are likely:   1)  He has an autoimmune disease, meaning his immune system is attacking itself instead of viruses and basically destroying it or 2)  Blood Parasites.  Both are generally treatable, with varying degrees of success, and we still have to battle the damage done to his body already.  The vet told Saturday that we still have a long way to go, but it seems we may be headed in the right direction.  Music to my ears!!

So today we get the blood test back to confirm which, if either, of the diagnosis are correct.  I hope we figured it out and can start treatment.  Poor little kitty has a shaved belly, a shaved right arm, and a strip shaved around his neck.


Now on to yesterday, we went to go see Bill Maher's brilliant "Religulous".  Anti-theism at its finest.  It was a brilliant movie, and I suggest you all go see it NOW!!!  Two things real stuck out to me, showing the stupidity of the masses. 

First, when backed in a corner, a common defense for religious people is basically they are playing the odds.  When cornered by Bill, almost across the board, religious people jumped to the "What if your wrong?" defense.  In other words, they figure it they are wrong, and there is no god, they are ok, but if we are wrong, and there is a god, we're going to hell.  Which is a better bet??  Seriously?!?!  I mean seriously?!?!  If your god is all knowing and all wise, then wouldn't he know that you were just faking belief "just in case".  I would like to think, on the slim slim slim (read non-existent) chance there is a god, that he would at least appreciate honest doubt over false belief.  And what if they chose the wrong god.  I mean is your just fair god really going to damn millions of people for where they are born and who their parents are (the most common distinction between people of different faiths)?? 

Secondly, if you want to really piss off the religious, don't attack their faith, just ask them why faith is a good thing.  When their specific faith was questioned they all had a miriad of stock answers on the matter, but when asked why having faith in something is a "good thing", they all lost their shit and told him to stop slandering their faith.  Why would a god care if you have faith in a ridiculous story, and why is putting aside reason in favor of blind faith a positive behaviour.  All the time various clergyman talk about how important faith is, but not a single one could answer the question why?

Anyhow, I have a little more faith (get it??) in the american people that religulous made 3 times as much as american carol.  Maybe this will actually start an educated discussion on religion in america, and the reasonable people may find their voice!!  Doubtfully, but we'll see.....

Off to go visit the Neech!!!

So today came with good news laced with bad.  First thing they tell me is that the liver is showing signs of function, which to me sounded good, then they tell me that signs of function and functioning are two different things.  His liver is not functioning properly and filtering waste, so the fact that its functioning in that way is not all that good.  He also has low red blood cell count.  So now we gotta get an ultrasound to see whats wrong with the liver and check the gall bladder as well.  In addition, they gotta do more blood tests to see what exactly is going on.  Every test they ask permission to run they still remind me that Neechee is very sick, and none of this may turn anything around.  I know why they warn this, but fuck I will be happy when they don't give me the kitty may not make it speech. 

Its more just wait and see..........this is killing me, I want my kitty back more than anything.  The void is becoming bigger and bigger. 

Thanks to all my friends for the well wishes for my little demon spawn kitty, since I don't have LJ at work and spent half my lunch break at the vets I have to do mass response.  So I've visited twice, and so far no improvement....and he didn't hold down his noon feeding, so that's not good.  I'm not sure what I'm gonna do if he doesn't pull through. 

Khris asked them if his liver didn't turn back on how long would he have and would he be in pain, they wouldn't give me time frame, I think to spare me the heart break, but she said we do have some options beyond  his current treatment, but we'd first have to determine the cause of the liver failure.  The two likely choices are his seizure medicine or his stomach stopped processing food after his last illness.  To determine which, it would require a biopsy......this is going to put me in a huge bind.  If there is even a slightest chance of him surviving, I will do what it takes and get the biopsy.  Now how will I pay for it??  Fuck if I know, but I don't care, I must have my kitty back.  I already feel guilty about not catching it sooner........I just feed him and Juno together, and didn't realize he wasn't eating.   But I should have, he was tiny, I should have fucking known. 

Fuck, I gotta go back to work........

So, Neechee made it through being abandoned at 4 days old, epileptic seizures, and a virus that nearly killed him last month, but it may just be his liver that takes him down.  

I noticed he had a yellow tint to him, and took him to the vet yesterday.  Yellow kitty is a bad thing, he is in liver failure....  Even with the most aggressive treatment, the chances of him turning around are slim.  So he's at the kitty hospital right now (gonna go visit him in a few) and will be there for a while.  He's not eating, drinking, or defecating.  He has lost a third of his body weight in less than a month (went from 12lbs to 8lbs).  He is so frail and sickly, they have his whole front leg shaved for his IV, and is just stuck in this little cage.  I just want to snuggle him....

Needless to say, I'm a fucking wreck.  I could barely make it through last night without him, I have no idea what I will do if I lose him.  I know he's just a cat, but we have such a bond, I adore that little thing so much.  I have this knot in my stomach that won't go away.

This sucks!